What Makes a Relationship?

OK, We’re all out here looking for some connection to another human being. It’s part of our nature as, well, humans. I’m not here to talk about the perfect love, the perfect friendship, or revenge on your ex. I wanted to touch on a topic that I find a bit fascinating-things that people put up with or use to excuse flawed relationships. I mean, maybe, just maybe, I have a bit of a skewed outlook on this-but aren’t those things supposed to make you happy? If it doesn’t-why are you still bothering to stay? Not knocking you if you do-I just completely fail to understand why you would.

#1 Jelousy/Control

If you (or your partner) find yourself obsessively scanning your SO’s facebook, phone, email, etc. this is not healthy for your relationship. I’m sorry girls/guys-if you do not trust your partner, why are you with them? Don’t get me wrong. People cheat. People lie. But in all reality, how the hell can you sleep next to/in the same house with someone you do not trust? If you really don’t trust your partner that much, do both of you a favor. Leave.

In the same vein, if you must control every move your partner makes, from going to work in the morning to leaving work at night, if your partner is not allowed to do anything without you-that is not love. Not even close. I’m all for doing things together, but you have to have a life outside of your relationship. Get a hobby. Go fishing, read a book, hell, watch a favorite TV series-just stop obsessing over what your partner is doing when they are not with you. No one likes to be questioned about every single move.

#2 Yelling/Screaming/Name Calling

We’ve ALL stayed through this one at one time or another. ¬†As long as those types of arguments are few and far between I can ALMOST understand it. But if screaming at each other is the daily norm, I would strongly suggest finding another way to deal with anger or getting the hell out. Trust me, years of being screamed at will change you-whether you are screaming back or not. I kills your self confidence, self esteem, causes anxiety-and is generally not worth it.

In my house if you start yelling, you walk away until your temper has cooled down. I do at least. We’re working on the rest of it, though Rico (my SO) is picking it RIGHT up. I spent a lot of time making my home into a relaxing place, there is no need to ruin the peace over a disagreement. Everyone knows where the damned door is-hormonal teenagers included. I may be a bit harsh about it-but I have a long memory, and I know what happens when my temper snaps.

#3 Physical Violence

OK. In this day and age I should not have to point this out, but ANY KIND of physical violence in a relationship is a bad thing. This goes from pushing to rape. If you are with someone that is violent towards you-leave. Leave now. Do not look back. It does NOT get better-in fact, chances are they will get worse. Once they realize you let it slide over and over again, they think they have you. Don’t fall for apologies, no matter how sincere. IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. I wasted 15 years of my life in an abusive relationship, don’t ruin your life the same way. You could be out there finding someone who actually loves you. You are worth it.