Customer Service and You

OK. As someone who works two different phone customer service jobs full time, and has had more than 20 years in customer service as a background, I have a few things to say. Just in the last week I have dealt with craziness unbound-most of the time I have no problem with customers, but really people? Have you ever thought maybe your issue with customer service was you?

Job One: Tech Support

  • If you truly believe that your cable service provider is a terrorist organization, you refuse to let me do my job, and accuse me of making bombs at my desk, chances are I’m not going to be able to help you. And if you continue to scream “I want to speak to someone who speaks English Dammit” to me-whose sole language is English and who lives in SC, I’m just going to laugh at you. If you want help? Don’t tell me who you voted for, that I’m a terrorist because of my job, etc. Tell me what the fuck is wrong so I can try to fix it or get you over to someone qualified to do so if I can not.
  • If you call me screaming about how horrible customer service is and the only issue is your computer needs to be restarted-btw, NOT your cable provider’s fault-apologize. You made yourself look like an ass.
  • If you call me screaming about your Internet going out and suing us-I CAN’T help you. You at that point need to call a company lawyer. I am not allowed.
  • If you have a telephone with us-even if you have never used it-and you need me to change your account number: please either know your cpni pin or have a telephone hooked up. If you have neither I can not help you. This is NOT a “stupid company policy” this is a federal LAW. I will not break it for you. If you do not like it-plug in a damned phone.

Job Two: Taxicab Phone Operator

  • If you don’t know where you are I can not send you a cab.
  • If you don’t know where you are going I can’t send you a cab.
  • Cab drivers are independent contractors. I can put your call in-but if drivers are either not out because they are all fucking off, or refusing to take calls for whatever reason-I can not make them get there any faster. By all means call to check on the cab-but screaming at me will get you nowhere. We are not even allowed to ask them to take your call.
  • There is no such thing as a constitutional right to a cab.
  • There is no “New Washington Law” that forces cab drivers to take intoxicated passengers home for free. Our drivers are independent contractors. They get paid cab fare only. What you are asking for is someone to work for free. That would be slavery.

I’m sure I’ll think of more later, but that is my PSA of the moment.  If you treat your customer service people with a little courtesy, and answer questions properly-we will bend over backwards to help you-but we NEED for you to be helpful as well to some extent. Your name should not be a state secret. I know most of the time it’s on my screen. But if you can’t be bothered confirming things-we are NOT ALLOWED to help you for privacy reasons.

 

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